Sharing sexual shenanigans


Today’s guest post comes from not one, but two remarkable women: Heather Cole and Nikki Blue of Vagina Antics.

I’ll let them tell their own story but, suffice to say, these women are courageous, adventurous, honest, sexy and inspiring. They totally ‘get’ the desire to explore and celebrate women’s sexuality. They are walking the talk and supporting each other (and all of us) every step of the way. I love them!

Heather:  When I first told my mother about my idea for a sex blog, we were having lunch in a cafe. Her expression transitioned from relaxed and amiable to carefully guarded. I recognized it immediately. It was her therapy face. My mother is a psychotherapist and skilled at concealing her thoughts. Except from me. We were that close, and she has been one of my confidants for most of my life. Until now.

She pressed her napkin into precise folds. “Why on earth would you want to write about sex?”

Thinking back to that afternoon, I realize that my mother’s sentiment is not uncommon. Although I feel that the theme of sex is prevalent in our society, it’s the old ad line of “sex sells” that has permeated our culture. That sex is…well, sexy. It’s pretty and sensuous and occurring between beautifully toned bodies. But what about the rest of sex? The parts that aren’t homogenized for public consumption? What about the struggles and mistakes and embarrassments? Yes, there was Sex and the City, but those women were still Hollywood gorgeous. What about Sex and You and Me?

I met Nikki through Twitter, through a man that we were both playing with sexually. It was virtual sex, but it was still sex. For a short while we only knew each other through him, but after several twists of fate (a long story which we will someday blog about) we became friends, just the two of us. Good friends. Besties, actually. And we bonded over sex. We connected, because for the first time in our lives, we found another woman that we could tell everything to without fear of judgment.

We have laughed and cried and laughed some more discussing our sexual adventures. We’re divorced, single-mothers who are cautiously dating again. If you can call it that. Sometimes it just seems like a lot of fucking. But that’s OK! (Except if you’re my mother.) We told each other over and over again that we should start writing about what was happening to us as sexual over-thirty-somethings who have baggage, emotional scars and fantastic shoe collections.

We started Vagina Antics because we felt unique. Unique in a socially frowned upon way. Where were the other women who were talking frankly about the sex they had? The material we found was often over-romanticized or full of one-kind-of-sex encounters. (I am not implying that monogamy is bad. I’m merely saying that when you love spicy Thai, finding only pizza can be disheartening although it’s still a tasty option.) Where was the description of the guy who humped your vagina like a rabbit and how you moved at a crucial moment and got jizz in your eye? Where were the anecdotes about wanting to experiment with another woman but you had no fucking clue how to go about it? Or worrying that your butt looked too big for the sexy lace panties you chose for your public paddling? (Yes, this is one of my concerns.)

We were frustrated, so we decided to take matters into our own hands. We dedicated a blog to our personal experiences with sex and all the crazy stuff that went with it, which typically ended up with us doing something spectacularly clumsy. (I should say with ME doing something spectacularly clumsy. That’s my contribution. I should note that Nikki is incredibly sexy and suave almost all the fucking time. And no, I’m not bitter! Christ…Stop me, I’m rambling.)

Nikki: The first day Vagina Antics went live, I took a deep breath and said a small prayer to the orgasm gods. This was going to be completely different from our ballsy tweets laced with sexual innuendo. Our secrets would no longer be between us and the phone. We were putting everything out there. All the way out there. But at the same time that was the beauty of it. We were completely free to share our sexual escapades with everyone.

We don’t claim to be sex superstars, and we’re the first to admit that we fuck up. A lot. Like the time Heather ended up with a chemical burn on her lady bits from a hair remover debacle, or the time I received an unintentional facial when my partner slipped off of the bed during that crucial moment. It always happens on a good hair day…

Anyway, Vagina Antics gave us a platform to share our shenanigans, and as writers, we wanted to do it a little differently. We wanted to talk about our sexual awakening, so to speak, in a way that would appeal to everyone. Our intention wasn’t to attract readers looking for porn because that’s not what we’re about. The shit we go through is real. The good, the bad and sometimes, the hysterical.

Heather and I have *come* a long way since walking away from our sexually stale marriages, and we’re still learning what makes us tick. We’re evolving, and we’re not afraid to try new things. We finally have the confidence to laugh and be silly with our partners, even when our knees are up to our ears. Truthfully, if you can’t at least giggle when your partner lands an invisible airplane on your landing strip, you’re doing it wrong.

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  1. heathercoleatvaginaantics

     /  May 4, 2012

    Thank you SO MUCH, Anna! We are honored to be guests in your Ladygarden. 😉

  2. What a lovely piece. My favourite quote is, “when you love spicy Thai, finding only pizza can be disheartening although it’s still a tasty option”. It’s good to be out & sexy while still accepting of the more one-dish people out there.

  3. the pair of you are nuts in alllll the right ways! adore you to bit

  1. Want to See Our Ladygarden? | Vagina Antics Want to See Our Ladygarden? | Sometimes sweet. Always naughty.

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