Masturbation mash-up

May is national masturbation month!

The bed trembles beside me. I am laying absolutely still; all of my senses tuned-in to her slight movements and subtle sighs. I feign a gentle sleep but actually my body is wide awake and filled with a deep longing.

Her fingers know all the sweet spots and she strokes herself with an intensity that is amplified by the dark, still night. I am aware of her and I am aware of me; the rest of the world may easily have disappeared.

The bed is flooded with the heat from her skin. I hear her breath catch as her hand quickens. Then stillness and silence. A moment’s pause before she rolls onto her side to settle for sleep.

It was a free gift; I wouldn’t have bought it. Too small, too purely functional, too loud. It didn’t seem good enough for the bedroom so I slipped it into the drawer of my desk at home.

Working from home can be a lonely and frustrating business. The days can stretch ahead. Home chores fight for attention over work deadlines, and daytime TV is always just a click away.

So it helps to have something to break up the monotony, to make the day more eventful.

I open the desk drawer and pull out the free vibrator. This has become a bit of a habit. Just like the extra cups of tea I now find myself making through the day, the vibrator gives me a brief distraction and a few minutes of sensory pleasure.

I only need a taste in order to quench my thirst. But, without it, I am left needing and preoccupied.

The sharp hum of the vibrator quickly drops in pitch. I hurriedly press it against me. It rumbles for a moment and then stops. I’ve worn the battery out.

The dead vibrator is returned to the drawer. I briefly ponder the option of slipping my hand into my knickers. I glance at the pile of work awaiting me, stand up and stretch, and go and make a cup of tea.

Quality time. Me time. Special time.

Sensuous, seductive, slippery, satisfying, self-loving time.

Connecting with myself from tip to core. My fingers trailing across my collar bones, my breasts, my jaw. Smoothing over my stomach and thighs. Brushing lightly over the springy hairs of my mound.

No fantasy. Just me and me.

Two-handed: one in, one out. Unhurried as I explore and caress. Allowing it to feel like the first time.

Allowing sound and breath and movement and lust.

Self-lust? Yes, I desire myself. I make love to myself.

I’m a wanker. Does that sound odd coming from a woman? Men have ‘wanks’, don’t they? They wank in the shower. They wank at the computer. They wank in the back row of the dodgy cinema.

Does it sound too rude, too base, too ‘unfeminine’ for a woman to have a wank?

In many circles it’s now socially acceptable to talk about your ‘rabbit’; we even see them in the movies. That item in the top drawer. A girl’s best friend.

The vibrator has become so common-place it holds little sexual allure for me. They are objects passed around at Ann Summers parties and hen nights. If we look at them for long enough they make us giggle.

Could I laugh and joke with my girlfriends about the great wank I had this morning? When I woke up with a hard-on and I just had to deal with myself. Had to get my clit rock-hard and then jerk off; hard, fast friction. My other hand pinching my nipple tightly. Body tense. Wanking to the images in my head: not too much of a story line; I couldn’t be that creative when I all I wanted was to come. Needing to get myself off. To feel the rush and the jolt. My heartbeat racing. My breath held. The tension released. Clit throbbing.

Happy masturbation May!

Leave a comment


  1. heathercoleatvaginaantics

     /  May 7, 2012

    Lovely writing as always! Or should I say “hot and bothered by your sexy writing.” 🙂 I had to have a stern chat with myself this morning about pacing myself through this month. Otherwise I won’t get anything done…except me, that is. xoxo

  2. heathercoleatvaginaantics

     /  May 7, 2012

    Lovely writing as always! And by that I mean titillating and arousing. 😉 I had to have a stern chat about pacing myself through this month or I won’t get anything done…other than myself, that is. xoxo

    • sexualself

       /  May 7, 2012

      Oh go on, enjoy yourself! Thanks for the compliments. Lovely to share with you as always x


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